Eloquent Incoherence

This might quite possibly be the strangest news story I have read in a long time. The discovery of several suspicious-looking devices at various places in and around Boston triggered repeated bomb scares that shut down parts of the city and sent local, state, and federal law enforcement agents into a frenzy. The devices turned out to be electronic lightboards depicting a middle finger-waving character from the Adult Swim television program “Aqua Teen Hunger Force”. The lightboards were placed at random sites throughout several major American cities as part of an advertising campaign by Turner Broadcasting, which owns Adult Swim. The advertising firm that came up with the idea apparently didn’t bother to get permission from city officials and didn’t anticipate that the stunt would cause so much fuss. “Aqua Teen Hunger Force” is a rather bizarre cartoon series about a talking milkshake, a box of french fries, and a mass of compressed meat, which perhaps makes the strange nature of this promotional campaign and the ensuing controversy appropriate. The publicity is likely to boost the show’s ratings, which means the campaign worked (but probably not in the way Turner intended). It’s a shame that the poor guy who dropped off the lightboards has to be charged with a felony over it.

There are some fights that I wish Muslim-Americans wouldn’t pick. Muslim cab drivers in Minneapolis (who are mostly of Somali descent) are apparently refusing service to passengers who are accompanied by dogs (including disabled passengers with guide dogs) or carrying alcohol. Commissioners of the Minneapolis airport (from which a significant portion of taxi passengers originate) are considering suspending drivers who refuse service to passengers on these grounds. In my opinion, this is a foolish and dangerous battle for these cabbies to be fighting, for a number of reasons.

Firstly, I’m no sheikh, but it seems to me that there are no simple, unambiguous Islamic rules relating to the issues in question. The majority position on dogs in Sunni jurisprudence relates to the impurity of their saliva, hair, and skin, not their mere presence in a particular place (except the home, which is not at issue here). Typically, a taxi driver never comes into contact with his passenger’s dog. And even if he does, each of the three Sunni madhabs (Islamic schools of jurisprudence) that prohibit contact with dogs allows exemptions for hunting and guard dogs, a category that guide dogs presumably fall into. Furthermore, the Maliki madhab does not consider any part of the dog to be impure and does not prohibit contact with them. The cabbies’ refusal to transport passengers carrying alcohol apparently derives from ahadith (oral traditions of the Prophet Muhammad, SAW) that appear to prohibit not just the consumption but also the sale, production, and distribution of alcohol. However, scholars in some Muslim countries that purport to enforce Islamic Law (such as Saudi Arabia) allow non-Muslims to sell and purchase alcohol and carry it aboard flights (which are presumably flown by Muslim pilots). Even in pre-modern times, Muslim rulers (with the blessing of the ‘ulema) traditionally allowed Christian minorities to import wine for use in their religious ceremonies.

Secondly, any litigation these cabbies pursue might set a bad precedent that could make it difficult for Muslims fighting legitimate cases of discrimination. Legally, these cabbies have very little chance of convincing a court that being allowed to refuse service to passengers is a “reasonable accommodation” of their religious beliefs. If the cabbies’ fight actually makes it into an appeals court and is struck down, the court’s opinion could subsequently be used by an unscrupulous employer against a Muslim fighting for the right to pray or keep a beard/hijab at work. Each legal battle Muslims pursue in the courts can’t be viewed in isolation. Our efforts to preserve our rights to practice our religion at work or school must be conducted within an overall strategy, and picking a fight you have no hope of winning is a pretty foolish strategy.

Thirdly, one of the most important battles Muslims are currently fighting is in the hearts and minds of our neighbors and colleagues. Attempting to impose our rules on others reinforces perceptions that Muslims are intolerant fanatics. Worse, it potentially gives publicity to the whacko bigots who insist that Muslim-Americans are evil infiltrators seeking to implement Shari’ah in America. Our community can ill afford to give our enemies more ammunition during a time of intensifying scrutiny of Islam and Muslims. The Minneapolis cabbies and those who counsel them would do well to weigh these concerns before pressing forward with this ill-advised fight.

This past Thursday, my cousin passed away at age 21. He was the eldest son of my mother’s younger sister. He and his family were pretty close to us, having lived in the same town as us since 1991. He was born with muscular dystrophy and had been confined to his room for most of the past few years, but that didn’t stop him from being active in whatever way he could. He illustrated a weekly comic strip that appeared on an Islamic website and in our local mosque’s newsletter. He took online classes in Islamic jurisprudence and was working towards a degree. He had a large network of online friends, all of whom he touched in some way. He was known on the Internet as NaseehaMan due to the helpful advice he often offered (Naseeha is Arabic for “advice”).

His condition wasn’t the only challenge he faced. In addition to being disabled, he was also an orphan. He lost his father to cancer in 1990 at the age of 6. He, his brother, and their mother lived with extended family until she remarried seven years later. And yet, through all the trials and tribulations he endured, he never once asked “Why me?”. If you were having a bad day and went to visit him, you would feel better not just because seeing him would remind you of how fortunate you are, but also because he would lift you up with his personality and positive outlook on life. His mother noted that whenever she would get depressed about his condition, he would make her feel better by reciting an ayah or hadith and reminding her that this was all a test from Allah. The fact that he had muscular dystrophy is the ultimate irony, because by Allah, I have never met a stronger person.

Because of the degenerative nature of his condition, we all knew this day would come. But that doesn’t make it any easier. The silver lining in all of this is that his suffering has now ended, and that his death seemed to have been fairly quick and painless. Subhan-Allah, his time came when he was literally in the middle of a sentence. May Allah grant him al-Firdous (the highest level of paradise), ameen.

As if the situation in Iraq couldn’t get any worse, Iraqi and American forces say they foiled an assassination plot targeting Grand Ayatollah Ali al-Sistani and other Shi’a religious leaders. 250 fighters were killed in the operation. The plot was apparently part of a broader attempt by a militia to gain control of the city of Najaf, home of the Imam Ali Shrine. The plot was timed to coincide with Ashura, a holy day on which the Shi’a stage public processions to mark the martyrdom of the Prophet Muhammad’s (SAW) grandson Hussain.

When I first heard this news, I figured it was just another instance of Sunni extremists attacking the Shi’a on their holy day. But the plot was apparently the work of a group called the Jund as-Samaa (”Soldiers of Heaven”), some kind of messianic cult. This was the first instance I’ve heard of an Iraqi insurgent group (or resistance movement, depending on your perspective) being referred to by the media as a cult. According to CNN, the group contained both Shi’a and Sunni elements, and its leader (who was killed in the fighting) claimed to be the Mahdi, a messiah whom Muslims believe will emerge near the end of time to restore peace and justice in the world (although both the Shi’a and the Sunnis believe in the concept of the Mahdi, the idea figures much more prominently in Shi’a thought). I can’t seem to find much more information about this particular group or why they wanted to kill Sistani; all the media reports I’ve read are vague on the matter. It’s certainly a bizarre and alarming turn of events. The fact that this movement was able to attract hundreds of followers is an indication of how desperate the situation in Iraq has become; apparently, some Iraqis have taken the ongoing violence as a sign of the apocalypse.

In any event, I’m glad the plot was foiled. Sistani is the highest-ranking Shi’a religious leader in the world. Unlike the Sunnis, the Shi’a have a tightly-structured, hierarchical system of religious authority similar to Catholicism. Sistani’s assassination might have plunged the entire region into all-out war, and would have exacerbated Shi’a-Sunni tensions across the Muslim World. Sistani is also one of the few voices of reason in the ongoing struggle for Iraq’s future, and his assassination would have dealt a tremendous blow to the prospects for peace in Iraq any time soon.

Many Michigan football fans (including yours truly) have speculated that 61 year-old Lloyd Carr will retire after next season, his thirteenth as head coach. A small yet significant change in the language of Carr’s contract indicates Carr might already have decided that the 2007 season will be his last, and that he has informed the powers-that-be of his plans. His old contract contained a clause that entitled him to a $300,000 bonus if he remained head coach through July 1, 2007. An addendum Carr signed on December 21 amends this clause to guarantee him the bonus if he remains employed by the University “in any capacity” through July 1, 2008. The only reason Carr would want to make such a change is to square the July 1 clause with another clause under which he would become an associate athletic director upon retirement from coaching.

There are strategic reasons related to recruiting and succession why Carr and the athletic department may want to keep the decision under wraps until (at the earliest) the beginning of next season. But if the change means what I think it means, the athletic department will very soon face the most significant decision with respect to Michigan football since 1969. I hope they’re prepared.

This is one of the reasons why I’m, at times, ashamed that I live in America.

(courtesy of Imran)

This is one of the reasons why I’m happy that I live in America.

(courtesy of Imran)

That’s right, $250 million. I didn’t add a zero by accident. Beckham will be the second-highest paid athlete in the world (behind Tiger Woods). He’ll make twice as much as baseball player Alexander Rodriguez, the highest-paid athlete in any of the four major American sports leagues (the NFL, the NBA, MLB, and the NHL). Beckham must have the best agent in the world, because most Americans could care less about soccer (or “football”, as it’s called outside of the United States and Canada) and are barely even aware that MLS exists, let alone a team called the L.A. Galaxy. The $250 million figure includes endorsement and merchandise deals, which athletes in the four major sports leagues typically negotiate separately from their playing contracts. But Beckham’s contract presumably allows him to pursue endorsement deals independent of those packaged with his playing contract, meaning that he could end up making even more.

Beckham’s deal is likely to spark discussion about the increasingly outrageous salaries of professional athletes. The deal is indeed ridiculous, but there are lesser-known people who make much more money than he does. Many CEO’s of Fortune 100 companies have annual compensation packages that run into the 9-figure range. Their deals often don’t make the headlines unless they become the subject of a corporate scandal (like Dennis Kozlowski). If a professional athlete performs poorly, his market value drops and he makes less money. If a corporate CEO performs poorly and resigns, his “golden parachute” kicks in and he gets a severance package worth upto hundreds of millions of dollars. And while professional athletes typically hail from working-class families, CEO’s and wealthy businesspeople are often born into privileged communities with high-powered connections and no shortage of opportunities.

It’s easy to direct our anger at Beckham’s deal because he’s a flashy celebrity and a public figure, but the people who profit from his athletic skill and celebrity status are drawn from the elite group described above and make even more money than he does. Unlike Beckham, they largely escape our scrutiny. For example, when players in the major professional sports leagues go on strike (MLB 1994, NFL 1987) or are locked out (NBA 1998, NHL 2004) because of labor disputes, our first reaction is outrage at how selfish and spoiled they are. But what about the owners? As much as the players don’t need their outrageous salaries, the owners of the teams they play for need their more outrageous profits even less. As ridiculous as the demands of players’ unions often are, the demands of the owners who oppose them are even more ridiculous in light of their massive fortunes. Yet most of our scorn and disdain is directed at the former and not the latter.

Sports stars and other celebrities are no doubt overpaid and spoiled. But they’re not the most powerful people in society, nor are they the worst examples of materialist excess. That distinction goes to the people in the shadows who pull the strings.

(courtesy of Manal)

One troubling aspect of economic growth in Asia (particularly China and India) is that the development and progress it yielded has been concentrated almost exclusively in urban centers. But the emergence of business process outsourcing centers in India’s rural villages is one of the first signs that the poorest Asians are beginning to see the fruits of the growth around them.

People in Luckanow, a village in the Indian province of Bihar, are renaming their children Saddam Hussein in honor of the “martyred” Iraqi dictator.